Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my phone needs a breathalizer
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
