you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Less talking, more tequila
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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