He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
