i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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