Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
God gave him joint rollers for hands
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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