She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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