I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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