i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize