i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Boobs speak an international language.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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