I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
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he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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