Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She said her name was "party"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
