I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
