Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
