oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
