I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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