I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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