i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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