At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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