This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
