I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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