There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
