My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize