How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
