I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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