If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
