At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
