he puts the penis in happiness.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
