Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
