she woke up with a sticky ear
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
