If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
