i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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