I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
