peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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