Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
someone owes me an orgasm
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
