I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
