'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
