I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
