Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
