This is not my ceiling
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
