Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
