Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
