On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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