Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
