Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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