Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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