There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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