I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
