The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
