dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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