i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
