I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
even my farts smell like vagina
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
