The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
