You smell like stripper and shame
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
