can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
