i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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