you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
