just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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