I just saw a hot homeless man
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
