she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
