Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize