Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
