brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
