My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
