happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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