Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They have beer where we have blood.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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